Getting Back on Track

Tonight I've been reflecting on this past year, which led me to read some of my old journals. I am extremely tired and frustrated with myself, with my life, with the people in my life who have weighed me down all of these years.

Tonight I read journal entries from December 2014, December 2015, December 2016, December 2017....you get the point. How many years can I continue to say that this is going to be the upcoming year where I finally get my life together? It's frustrating and demoralizing. 

But I do have to admit and honor that I have come a long way recently and I am in an entirely different headspace this year than I have been in any other year. Last year I was in a better place and today I am in an even better place. So maybe this year that will be my goal: to continue getting better at getting better.

Perhaps I should take the time to acknowledge some of the strides that I have made:

• I had a party last month where I invited 30 people into my house and declared that I will be embarking on a brand new life. I do have to admit that it put me in a somewhat different mindset and it was a first that I opened up my house to so many people.
• This is the first year in six years that I did not feel sad at all on Thanksgiving or Christmas. I spent both days alone and it didn't bother me one bit.
• I can't even remember the last time that I had a full blown panic attack. Although I still suffer from anxiety, it's nothing compared to how I was a year to a year and a half ago when I last battled major panic attacks.
• I've finally started to unpack after living in this house for 4 years and I am going to start decorating.
• My stress has decreased exponentially.
• I am starting to build up my social circle again with people who fill me up with happiness. 

I'm pretty sure that I can think of many other improvements that I have made, but I just wanted to quickly jot down some ideas so that I can spend the next few days of this decade reflecting on how far I have come and what I want to bring into my life in 2020. I looked back in my journal as far back as 2009 and I literally had major problems for the entire decade and this year I am really committed to making sure that my next decade is going to be my best decade ever! 

Happy Holidays!!